Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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