you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need water and some morals
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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