Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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