Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were trust falling into bushes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
