Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
