yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And then the night went full on bisexual.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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