If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
