Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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