I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
