You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
