it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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