I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
