there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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