I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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