I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
