Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
