i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
