i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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