apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
