i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
