you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
