He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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