I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
