My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
