I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
