Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
