Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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