HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
