I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
