we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
