I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
