What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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