so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
