how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
