Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
