i can't believe i had my finger in that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
