hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
