my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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