So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
