I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
