thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
