Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we're so committed to being not committed
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