M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
