I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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