My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
