$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
