hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
