Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
