How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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