Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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