Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
